You’ve Been Replaced

J., there’s someone else. It’s just that you’ve been working so much lately, and I know it’s for “Us”, but I’ve been at home alone, and I was missing you and…

He’s been there all this time…waiting…waiting for the chance to step in. Always listening to me intently with unabated curiosity and a raised brow. Everything I say to him is worthy of his attention (unless he’s eating).  He flirts and bats his lashes my way and breathes hot, heavy steamy kisses in my ear while murmuring sweet sounds. He licks my neck — REALLY licks it. He hates it when I cry, when I pace and he hates it even more when I yell.

I feel safe when I clutch on to his broad, muscular chest, thick neck and am temporarily blinded when he flashes his sparkling, killer set of teeth my way. If anyone stares at me a second too long, he will bite their f*ckin head off! And that makes me feel really desirable, especially the way he protectively leaps in front of me backing his butt into my knees.

So maybe it’s time you move to the spare room upstairs and just let us be. I’d like him to cuddle with me for more than nap time or those five minutes in the dead of night when you run to the bathroom. He’s not a bed-warmer, he’s my baby.

Bet you never thought you’d have to worry about THIS Italian stud. What do you think my mom will think if I marry a mastiff? Yeah, as long as I get married, she won’t care…and I’ve done a little research (it’s legal in Bali), and don’t worry you’re totally invited to the wedding, who did you think was going to give me away?

http://www.pleated-jeans.com/2010/07/06/how-to-marry-your-pet/

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