There’s No Crying in Baseball!

When I decided to go to grad school full time this semester, I took a big leap of…faith…of the unknown…of “Why the hell not?” I had been waiting on an offer for a VP position at an established Media Company, and it was going on way too long, over two months. I know a VP role is a big deal, but really after 60 days if you’re still on the fence about me — I don’t want to work for you. Not to say if they call on Monday, I won’t pick up, but I don’t sit still.

Last week, in addition to the three classes I’m taking at night, I started my MLB graduate assistant/intern position, which is full time, EVERY DAY. Walking out of class Tuesday night at 9pm, I got caught in a monsoon in Midtown, and spent 20 minutes looking for a store to buy a notebook. When I finally found Office Depot, it was CLOSED. A deluge of tears added to the rainwater already soaking me. Hunched under a broken black umbrella in Times Square, I was relieved to find a quiet moment in one of the busiest intersections in the world. I bawled for 20 minutes. It wasn’t about the notebook.

It’s been said, “The more you do, the more efficient you become.” Right now I feel like a juggler trying to balance on a a giant exercise ball, tossing eight flaming torches in the air. But I know this is the only way to reach my goal: Landing a position at a Tier One Company that I LOVE. To be more clear, a place where colleagues aren’t stealing my ideas while telling me to “Work smarter, not harder.” Yes, theft is definitely working smarter, my dear.

So why am I questioning my decision every hour on the hour? Exhaustion. I’ve been sleeping an average of six hours a night, because when I get home I want to unwind and hang out with my boyfriend and puppy.

And them? They miss me…well at least the puppy does! J.  isn’t used to me not being available on speed dial in a moment’s notice. “What do you mean you can’t talk at work? Why aren’t you answering my texts?!”

But all this prep is for him, too. When I’m happy with what I’m doing, it gravitates to all beings in my life. When I’m miserable, and contemplating a career as an arsonist, I can be quite scary. He is experiencing his own growing pains in the real estate world — unreliable clients, unbelievable competition and super quick-turnaround on properties.

If we make it through the next three months — especially with Baseball Playoffs + Grad School Midterms in October — we will have rounded a major relationship base.

Wish us luck or wish us failure…only time will tell.

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Reinventing Ourselves, Reinventing our Relationship

New York City is an island of reinvention. Running from a failed relationship in Long Beach, after originally running away from Staten Island, I erased years when I moved to Manhattan. It was like they had never happened, there were no painful memories waiting around each corner. The city was home, a familiar refuge since I was a child. J. ran away from the south, he has his reasons, I still don’t know all…and along the way we collided. And he did collide with the sidewalk after a drunken cartwheel the night of our first date –that completely wiped out a street vendor’s book display.  I was instantly smitten by the acrobatic attempt to impress me.

Our passion for change and success fuels a part of our relationship. So it’s not surprising that during our coupledom, we’ve gone through half a dozen jobs collectively, always striving for a little more. When I met J. he was at Columbia, and now I’m back in grad school at NYU. I’ve always been one of those to brush off grad school as something “Not necessary”, and praise on-the-job experience. But after recently working for a few start-ups with little leadership and daily-changing business plans, I’ve only learned “How not to do it.”

Fueled by J’s intellect and subscriptions to Fortune, Forbes and Sports Illustrated, I’m back in school and about to begin a grad school internship at Major League Baseball. Back to sports, the only industry I’ve ever truly LOVED working in. Without J.’s support, it wouldn’t be possible. For his part, he is now a licensed real estate agent working with one of my former roommates and his boss whom he met at a July 4th party. Strange how the dots connect so many years later.

Each time we reinvent ourselves, we inevitably reinvent our relationship, a shifting of priorities and adapting to new timetables. For now, this is the path I’ve chosen, another zigzag on my blueprint. I refuse to spend eight or more hours a day in a place that suffocates my integrity, my creativity and my soul — I don’t care how much the paycheck is. It took me too long to learn that lesson. How does J. feel about being with a Grad School Student & Consultant vs. a Director with a six-figure salary? I’m sure he misses my monetary contributions, but I was a cranky, stressed-out bitch. So was it really worth it?

The tables have shifted at least for this semester. J. will be bringing home more of the bacon and I know he can do it. Real Estate is his passion. And now it’s time to get back to mine — Sports & Entertainment.

No matter what trials we go through, I always tell him, “I’ve had ten more years of life then they were given, I am going to make the most of it.” Sending love to heaven to my high school and college friends lost on September 11. Joseph Doyle, Mike D’Auria and Noell Maerz. We think of you every day, not just today.